Limbo: An intermediate place or state.

"An intermediate place or state," that is the definition I found for "limbo," which best describes the way I feel right now as I raise support to go to Virginia. There is a sense of tension in my heart, a feeling of not wanting to wholly give myself to the things in Raleigh because I know I will not be here long, but at the same time not wanting to have my mind be in Virginia because I'm not there yet - I'm here, in Raleigh, but not really. I've gotten accustomed to my lifestyle of raising support, a lifestyle that is unique to any other season I've ever gone through in my life. Sometimes that lifestyle gets interrupted by reminders of the past or anticipation of what the Lord will have in the future. Those reminders are usually very sweet, but also very brief, leaving me longing for more of it. I'm hoping that as you read this you can relate to that feeling of wanting to be "back there" where things were easy (or the things you remember as easy overwhelm all other things in your memory), or as you look forward to a place you are going you think that you will reach utopia and that FINALLY you will be where you have been longing to be for a very long time. What I am realizing during this season is that the hardest place to be is here, today. It is becoming more and more clear that it is more likely for me to be in "limbo," as defined above, than in any other place. So what does that tell me about the God that I serve?
This past weekend I went to Charleston with the rest of the Virginia team and Matt Bradner (the director of our team) was the speaker for a retreat that Campus Outreach Greenville was having. One of the things Matt said is that we get so caught up with wanting to get to our destination that we miss the reality that our God is about our relationship with Him, not about getting results or getting us to where we think we need to be. So this season of my life is not about raising all of the money I need in order to get to Virginia, it is about meeting with the Lord and being transformed by Him. Here is a verse that summarizes what Matt talked about this past weekend: "Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you" Matthew 6:33.
Tomorrow we leave for Virginia, and we will stay there till Monday (27th of March). Our purpose for going to Virginia is to look for places to live as well as visit Churches that we might connect with when we move there. By the end of our trip I will know which school I will be going to and who my partner will be. This coming trip will stir up a lot of things in my heart about what God has in store for the next couple of years. On Monday I will head back to Raleigh and get back to my normal routine of raising support and learning that the God I serve is a God whose delight is found in the growth of my intimacy with Him and my satisfaction in Him, not about my percentage in support raising.