Silence and Longing

So as I told you all, I went on a Silent Retreat this past weekend. Here are some pictures if you want to check out the place where we stayed. It's called the Avila Retreat Center and its in Durham, NC. As you will notice in my pictures, I have a picture of a clown playing the guitar. I have to admit, I love this picture! Most people are scared of clowns, I guess because of all the make up - you never really know what they look like and they're always smiling - that's a little freaky! The thing I've been learning lately is that I'm very much like a clown and only a few people really know what I look like without any "make-up" on. So, like a clown, I get up and put on my "costume," then I go and entertain people. Only those who stick around long enough will know the real me.
The reason I'm writing all this is because I really want to be known completely. I want to be loved without the make-up and costume, I want the freedom to walk around in my "normal" clothes, with my "normal" face. That retreat really opened my eyes to realize that my Creator loves me for who I am, without the dressing up. I've also been noticing that men that are married are so confident, they don't really try to impress you, they just are who they are. I don't know if any of you have ever noticed that, but they have such freedom and, on my end, I feel free around them because I know that they're married, so I don't have to impress them either! I want to experince that, I want that freedom - that confidence - to be who I have been called to be and be free - because I'm taken, and I don't have to impress anyone, I've already been wooed and won!
"For your Maker is your Husband,the Lord of hosts is His name; and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer, the God of the whole earth he is called." Isaiah 54:5